


Spiking the Conversation

by terma_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-01-01
Updated: 2002-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:15:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26498482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist
Summary: Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atTER/MAand was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address onthe TER/MA collection profile.
Relationships: Alex Krycek/Fox Mulder
Collections: TER/MA





	Spiking the Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [TER/MA](https://fanlore.org/wiki/TER/MA) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the TER/MA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/terma/profile).

Go to notes and disclaimers 

  
**Spiking the Conversation  
by Ratadder**

  


"He is _so_ hot." 

"Aaalexxx. He's eeeevillll." Mulder dropped into the opposite corner of the couch. 

Alex's head swiveled slowly. One blink. Two. "And this would be... bad?" 

Mulder ignored the shiver that husky voice raised, and waved at the screen. "Aaaaleeeexxxx. He's a monster. You're _rooting_ for the monster." 

"Oh puh-leeeze, Mulder. Like you never root for the monster. And stop whining. You _know_ what it does to me when you whine." 

Mulder grinned as Alex's voice dipped another notch toward 'growl'. "That's why I doooo iiit." 

"I'm going to ignore that. If I take time out now to make you whimper, I'll get distracted and have to rewind this whole episode." Alex turned purposefully back toward the tv. 

Mulder contemplated the on-screen action for a moment, sighing as a besotted Alex chortled at one of Spike's nastier lines. "I root for misunderstood monsters. Not monster-monsters." 

"How'dya know Spike's not misunderstood? Besides, he's a cute monster. He's adorable when he doesn't have that bumpy forehead thing going on. He's got such a wonderful sick sense of humor. And at the moment he's giving me a _total_ wheelchair fetish." Alex swung his feet up and nestled them into Mulder's lap, leaning back against the arm of the couch, eyes never leaving the tv. 

Mulder tweaked a toe. "Alex. That is a _completely_ inappropriate comment." 

"Says the man who can't keep his lips off my amputation," came the soft mutter from the other end of the couch. 

"ALEX." 

"Oh sorry, I'm not supposed to notice, right?" He added a sunny smile to the oh-so-innocent voice. 

"I do that for you!" Mulder protested, one finger running up and down the sole of Alex's right foot. 

"Uh hunh. Right." 

"I do! I want you to know it doesn't bother me." The foot twitched and jerked in his lap and he switched to using his thumbs to rub with more pressure. The fact that this pressed Alex's heel harder into his crotch was merely an attractive side effect. 

"Oh, I know alright. Believe me, I've noticed how much it doesn't bother you." Alex twisted his foot. 

"Stop with the eyebrows!" 

"Relax, Mulder. I love you as perverted as you are." 

The word 'love' fell to the couch between them and rested there on an uncomfortable cushion of tense silence. Mulder tried dutifully not to react but then he noticed his hands had stopped moving on the feet in his lap. Feet which were suddenly very still, when they had been squirming pleasantly just seconds ago. Moving his thumbs in a smooth, hard sweep up the arching foot, he cleared his throat and stared fixedly at the screen. "You know, what I really don't like is the way they burst into dust on contact during the stakings." 

Grateful for the less-than-smooth change of subject, Alex jumped on the statement. "Oh sure. Complain about my boy Spike being _eeevil_ but then bitch that you don't get more blood and gore when the vampires get stabbed?" 

"I'm not asking for more blood and gore—" 

"Yeah, I imagine you get enough of that in your nine to five." 

"-I'm just saying the whole 'burst into dust' is a little... anticlimactic. That's all." 

"Mm, what would you do if I did that when you staked me. Talk about anticlimax." 

Mulder didn't need to turn his head to see the expression he knew was on that face. So he didn't. Still watching the tv, he stroked a foot gently and murmured, "I knew a stake innuendo was coming. I just knew it. I knew you wouldn't be able to resist." 

"You know me _so_ well," Alex sighed happily. The words tumbled heavily to settle next to 'love', and another deafening silence fell. Alex winced, wishing he could kick himself. Whatever the hell was possessing him to make him say such idiotic things, he wished he had a Willow and a Giles around to exorcise it. Another change of subject seemed in order. "I suppose the Buffster is more your speed. It's always so _convenient_ to root for the hero." 

Mulder's lips twitched. "Well, she _is_ hot. Those tank tops. And I _love_ those high kicks she does. But actually, I was thinking Giles is kinda cute." 

" _GILES_?" Alex's head whipped around. "Mulder! If Giles is your type, what the hell are you doing with me?!" 

Mulder grinned at him. "I wonder sometimes. Ouch. Hey..." He tried to press backward into the couch cushions as the foot in his lap dug harder a second time. 

Alex eyed him coolly. "Technically, I suppose if we were being true to the type we seem to be attracted to, _you'd_ be cooing over Spike and _I'd_ be having hot thoughts over old Rupert." 

"HEY. Are you calling me a _Giles_?" 

"Well, you do have that professorial quality..." Alex deflected the flying pillow easily, and tossed it back. "Mulder, I'm teasing. Say, put on your glasses, would you?" This time the pillow caught Alex full in the face. He used it to muffle his snickering. 

"Hmph." Mulder pinched the toes on the right foot, one by one by one. 

Dropping the pillow into his lap, Alex hugged it close and stretched his toes, inviting more pinching. "But I am surprised you don't have more of a thing for Spike... with the whole bad-boy-in-leather thing he has going... hint hint..." 

Mulder squinted at the screen for a moment. He actually could use his glasses, but he'd be damned if he'd put them on now. "He's just so unrepentantly _bad_. And bloodthirsty." 

"Mmmmm _yeah_." Alex sucked in a breath. Stared at the screen. Stroked the pillow. 

"Oh honestly..." Mulder muttered, though his eyes skated back to Alex to enjoy the expression on his face. Unexpectedly, Alex suddenly swung to face him. 

"Look, Mulder, if you're that offended by all the bloodthirsty 'violence' and all, we can always pop out the tape and you can go back to watching The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross." 

Mulder's mouth opened but nothing came out. Finally, "I wasn't _watching_ it!" 

"Yeahrightsure. Is that the real story? Is that what the problem has always been?" Alex gave him an evil grin. "You're a frustrated Ross-disciple? The X-Files are just a poor substitute, a distraction from your failure? The doomed pursuit of a man who lost his first dream... the dream of painting 'happy trees'? Whatsamatter, couldn't get your fan brush stiff enough? Couldn't get the firm, upward strokes—" 

"Oh _shut_ up." Mulder pinched a toe again. Hard. 

"Why Mulder, you're turning a lovely shade of alizarin crimson!" 

"Why Alex, how would you like to turn a lovely shade of phthalo blue?" Mulder returned sweetly. 

"I've heard it's a good look on me." 

"I wouldn't doubt. Anyway, I wasn't watching it," he insisted. "Ross' voice just puts me to sleep, that's all. It should be bottled and marketed as a zone-out drug. It's like a goddamn antihistamine." 

"Oh ho. And you just decided you might like to doze off in the middle of the day?" The eyebrows were climbing again. 

"Well...," Mulder drawled, "I _didn't_ get much sleep last night." 

"Whose fault is that." 

"Hey, _I_ wasn't the one begging for it." 

"Begging?!" Alex stiffened. "I was NOT begging." 

"I distinctly heard begging, Alex," Mulder commented mildly. 

"You're _supposed_ to be gentleman enough not to mention it afterward in the cold light of day." 

"Why Alex, that's a lovely shade of alizarin crimson you're turning..." Mulder grinned as Alex refused to look away from the screen. 

"Fuck you. You just missed one of those high kicks you're so into." 

Mulder dropped the feet. "Oh, let me rewind... oh yeah." He hit the rewind one more time and watched it again. "There are benefits to watching it taped. I just can't believe you've got me taping Buffy for you." 

"I can't believe you kept doing it while I was... away." 

"You owe me major tapes, Mr. Krycek." 

"I'm sure. It's not like _you_ watch the show or anything, I know." 

"Um... Alex?" His fingers slipped up to stroke a bony ankle. 

"Yeah?" Alex flexed his ankle slowly. 

"After we finish this one, can we watch that other one again? The one where they tie Angel up and torture him?" 

"AH HA!" 

"Oh shut up.... can we?" 

"Of course. Then later we can play Angel and Spike." 

"How's your British accent?" 

"No no... I want _you_ with the British accent... you gotta play Spike. Or we can play Giles and Spike if it would be better for you, then we both get to use British accents. And I'll wear your glasses," Alex added cheerfully. "You can call me Ripper when you're not calling me 'pet'." 

Mulder snorted. "As if you could pull off a Giles. And shouldn't that technically be Giles and Ethan?" 

Alex's shoulder moved against the couch in a lopsided shrug. "Only if you're wedded to canon." 

"Um... hate to break it to you, Alex, but if you were wedded to canon, it would be Giles and Jenny." 

"Well, you _would_ look fetching in one of Jenny's clinging dresses. But no, seriously, I think a Giles/Ethan relationship _can_ be read as canon. Consider what we know from the Ethan episodes. Back in England they—" Suddenly Alex stopped, eyes narrowing. "Whoa, hey, wait a minute... why am I making this case? I'll play Giles for _you_ , but you playing Ethan wouldn't really get me going." 

"But he's _evil_. You like the evil ones." 

"Ethan's not evil. Not really. Unscrupulous, but not evil. Giles should give him another chance." 

"You're not seriously suggesting the _show_ is suggesting they had a relationship." 

"Of _course_. Like duh, Mulder. It's so _there_." 

"They can't stand each other!" 

"Look at the sexual tension every time they hiss and spit at each other!" 

"They don't even _like_ each other. They may have been friends once, but it's obvious Ethan did some terrible things and can't be trusted." 

"What's _obvious_ is that Ethan knows he's lost Giles through his own actions, and these stunts he pulls are an effort to get Giles' attention. He wants Giles back, but he doesn't believe he can ever redeem himself and he's not even sure he wants to. So he'd rather have Giles pissed off and ready to kill him, than ignoring him. Besides which, it probably turns him on to see Giles all fired up. He'll take Giles' focus any way he can get it. And while he's at it, he'll prove to both Giles and himself that he's really not worthy of Giles' affection anyway... creating his very own personal vicious cycle." 

Mulder shook his head and sighed. "What _ever_. I'm still stuck back on you wanting me to play Spike for you. You'd be so much more... natural at the role." 

"Ah ha again! You _do_ have a thing for Spike! Admit it!" Alex crowed. 

"Uh... no..." 

"Too late. You paused. I know you want him. Bloodthirsty or not." 

"I do not." 

"But you wouldn't mind watching him fuck Angel." 

Mulder sighed again. "Well no, actually, I wouldn't mind at all. Or watching Angel fuck him." 

"Now how about tossing Xander into the mix..." Alex's voice was lazy now as he wriggled his foot in Mulder's grip. 

Mulder's lips twisted as he pondered. "Xander and Larry is an obvious choice." 

"Bor-ing," Alex singsonged. "I'm thinking Xander and Oz. Gives it more of an illicit edge. Though I could see Xander with Spike too." 

"You could see anybody with Spike. How about Buffy and Cordelia?" Mulder tossed him a grin, waiting for the inevitable reaction. 

"Muuuulderrrrrrr." The slow look again. 

"Sorry, it was just a thought." Mulder pulled his lips into a straight line again and met Alex's steady stare with an innocent look. "Was that an inappropriate comment?" 

"It would be Buffy and _Dru_ ," Alex stated patiently. "C'mon, get with the program. You might be able to make a case for _Willow_ and Cordy though. Cordelia's obviously got a softspot for the sweet geeks." 

Mulder closed his gaping mouth with an effort. Not quite the reaction he had expected. "You've... thought about this." 

Alex squirmed. But just a little. "I had a long layover on my last flight. I was bored. I needed something to keep my mind busy." 

"What? Thoughts of _me_ weren't keeping you company?" 

"Mulder. It was _hours_. There's only so much thinking about you I wanna do in an airport. Public place and all, you know? When thoughts of you bring on the inevitable need for privacy, where is there to go but the restroom. And quite frankly, I don't particularly like hanging out in airport restrooms." 

Mulder winced. "Oh. Yeah." 

"Yeah. So don't give me shit about how I chose to waste my time." 

Mulder bit his lip to keep from laughing. "Willow and Cordelia, eh?" 

Alex gave an exasperated sigh. "I said you could make a _case_ for it, I didn't say I was into it or that I wanted to play that instead of Spike and Angel. Or Spike and Giles. Whatever." He hunched back down into the couch, carefully not meeting Mulder's eyes. 

"And you call me a pervert. Hey!" Mulder suddenly brightened. "What about Buffy and Kendra?" 

"Oooh, now _there's_ a match. Good show, Mulder. Much better." Alex underlined his approval by rubbing his free foot up and down the inside of Mulder's thigh. He twisted and gave Mulder a heavy-lidded look. "How about we... put in that Angel-torture tape, hmmm?" 

Mulder's eyes lit up, and he lifted Alex's feet, jumping up to switch tapes. Coming back to the couch, he pushed the long legs apart and settled between them, fingers already tracing over the button on Alex's jeans. As he undid the button and coaxed the zipper down, he murmured, "So, does this make me bloodthirsty?" 

"Oh yes," Alex breathed. "But that would be a good thing." 

"Just don't expect me to do British, ...pet..." 

"Oooooh..." 

"And Alex?" 

"Ahhh... yeah, Muh—unh... Mulder?" 

"I wasn't _watching_ The Joy of Painting." 

"Oh... oh oooh... I know, Mulder. I... oh god... I bet none of your trees are happy trees." 

"Bloody right, pet." 

* * *

RATING: S for Silliness. This snippet contains m/m flirting, snuggling, and the occasional inappropriate comment.   
SPOILERS: The usual one for Terma, vague one for Piper Maru; scattered small Buffy spoilers but nothing that makes any difference.   
DISCLAIMER: This snippet has no point. No point at all. And I'm well aware of that. Hmmm? Oh, _that_ kind of disclaimer... um... All hail CC and 1013. And... Joss, I guess, although I don't really do anything nasty with his characters. Yet.   
[email removed]   
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